Believe it or not ...

It's been quite some time since I set this little blog up. Here I am. I've had a really bad few months. We found #2 Daughter - just a week before Christmas. That Saturday, I had a "play" date with my nieces to take them shopping for Christmas. The nieces are old enough now that buying anything really seems silly when they just want to spend money. So, I told them how much money they had to spend and we had a good time. It was weird though because #2 Daughter had only been home for two days and, so, she was brought with. I wasn't going to leave this young woman, who was clearly a stranger to me now, alone in my house. Sorry folks, that's the way it is. Anyway, I bought her a hat and a "hoodie" which she seemed to appreciate. It was weird. She'd been gone for nearly six months.

She turned 18 in January, which I'd been warned was the turning point and she would be moving back to her biological father. What a kick in the ass to her dad (who adopted her), my husband. She didn't move, turns out. He didn't have the resources to move locally (thank god!!!) and we certainly weren't willing to cart her to his city. You have to set some boundaries hard-n-fast.

So, about a month ago, she left again. This time, some very dear friends of mine showed up to my door about four minutes after I got home (I'd seen them parked up the street). They announced that #2 Daughter would be moving in with them. I asked them if they knew what they were getting into - they are my age and have never had children, or nieces/nephews from what I've been told in the six years I've known them. No, they didn't. Well then.

Last week I received a letter from the school that #2 Daughter might not graduate if she doesn't pass an elective class. OK, an elective class. I went over to friends' house to talk to #2 Daughter and found out that I was being "supervised" by my friends. I guess I no longer consider these people to be my friends. I didn't think that my daughter could manipulate people that'd been watching her goings on for the last six years. I was very, very wrong.

So, I'm writing in here now to kind of work on getting myself back to where I belong. My marriage and #1 Son have definitely suffered through all of this, not to mention the grief from my father's death last June.

I'm back on my bike - so that's a plus. It's hard work, but it makes me happy -- and still a little scared. I think a dose of healthy fear is good for me (or anyone, for that matter) anyway. I'm also working on being a better mom, friend, and employee. The whole wife part is coming. It's hard to get reoriented to a marriage that was damaged from numerous misdeeds. I don't know if it's possible, frankly. I think I have to just very slowly allow myself to be open again. I think that's what love is all about -- letting go of your safety net. When you get hurt, you restring your safety net and pull yourself into it blocking yourself away.

That's it for now. I'll try to keep myself going on this because it is therapeutic :o)